Shalom
Bayit:
Bringing the Divine Presence Into the Home
The
Shelah Ha’kadosh (Sefer
Shelah Ha’kadosh, Masechet
Shabbat) writes that when people greet each other on
Shabbat, they should not extend the usual greetings such as “good morning,” but
should rather say, “Shabbat shalom” or “Shabbat tov.” This way, the Shelah explains, one
fulfills the command of זכור את יום
השבת לקדשו – marking
Shabbat as a special day.
The
notion of saying “Shabbat shalom” on Shabbat originates from the
teachings of the Arizal. It is also
noted by Rav Eliezer Papo, in Pele Yoetz (“Berachot” section),
where he writes that when one greets his fellow “Shabbat shalom” on
Shabbat, he should have in mind that he wishes to be blessed with peace in the
merit of Shabbat. And although there are
many who do not have the custom to greet one another with the blessing of “Shabbat
Shalom,” the Sidduro Shel Shabbat (1:2:2) explains that this is
because it became customary to sing “Shalom Alechem” when Shabbat
begins. Singing “Shalom Alechem,”
according to this custom, serves in lieu of the “Shabbat Shalom”
greeting. It thus emerges that according to all traditions, the concept of “shalom”
– peace – is a vital component of the Shabbat experience.
The
special importance of shalom bayit – peace in the home – can be seen in
the Mishnah in Masechet Pesahim (3), which addresses the case of a person who
travels on Erev Pesach to perform a mitzvah, and realizes en
route that he still has hametz in his home. The Mishna rules that a person in this case
should return home to eliminate his hametz, unless he does not have enough time before
the onset of the holiday, in which case he should renounce ownership over the hametz in his mind. Interestingly, the
Mishnah gives three examples of this kind of situation: a person traveling to
offer his korban pesach; a
person on his way to perform berit milah on his son; a person going to
an engagement party in his father-in-law’s home. The Yerushalmi raises the question of why the
third mitzvah – celebrating an engagement with one’s father-in-law – is
included in this list. The first two mitzvot mentioned – korban pesach and berit milah – are especially vital mitzvot. In fact, they are the only two mitzvot
aseh (affirmative commands) for which one is liable to the severe
punishment of karet if he neglects to observe them. Why would celebrating with one’s father-in-law
be mentioned together with these two mitzvot? The Yerushalmi presents the following answer:
בוא וראה מה גדול
הוא השלום שהוקש לשני דברים שחייבין עליהן כרת מילת בנו ושחיטת פסחו.
Come
see the greatness of peace – that it is compared to the two commands for which
one is liable to karet: circumcising one’s son and slaughtering one’s pesach
sacrifice!
Indeed,
the Yerushalmi observes, peace in the family is of no less vital importance as berit
milah and korban pesach.
Rav
Michel Zilber, in his commentary to the Haggadah, writes that this concept taught by the
Yerushalmi is actually expressed in the original korban pesach ritual
performed by Beneh Yisrael in Egypt on the night of the
Exodus. The day before they left, they
underwent berit milah, slaughtered the korban pesach, and then
mixed the blood of the circumcision with the blood of the sacrifice, and placed
some of the blood on the door to their homes.
The doorpost symbolizes shalom bayit, and thus the placement of
blood on the doorpost indicated the fundamental link between these three mitzvot
– the pesach sacrifice, berit milah, and shalom bayit.
Our
Sages teach that the Shechinah, the Divine Presence, resides in a home
where a peaceful atmosphere is maintained.
When a husband and wife live peacefully together, then the letter י' from the word איש
and the letter ה' from the word אשה combine to form י-ה –
one of the Names of Hashem – as the Shechinah descends into their home
and resides among them.
Furthermore,
the Rabbis comment in Masechet Derech Eretz Zuta that peace is so critical that
Hashem is even willing to have His Name erased for the sake of restoring peace
to a strained relationship between husband and wife. In the case of a sotah – a wife whose
husband suspects her infidelity – a special ceremony is performed in order to
prove her innocence, and this ceremony includes the erasure of G-d’s Name into
a cup of water, from which the woman then drinks. Hashem considers marital harmony so important
that He commands us to erase His Name in order to alleviate suspicion so the
couple can once again live in peace. As
sacred as the Divine Name written on a scroll is, the Divine Name “written”
upon a peaceful home is even holier.
Masechet
Derech Eretz also teaches that the mitzvah of maintaining peace exceeds other mitzvot in importance. The Torah speaks
of many obligations that apply when certain situations happen to arise. For example, if a person happens to see his
fellow’s animal struggling under a heavy load, then he has an obligation to
remove the cargo. If a person happens to
come across a birds’ nest, then he has an obligation to send away the mother
bird before taking the eggs. When a
person builds a new house, he has an obligation to erect a fence, and so
on. When it comes to peace, however, the
pasuk in Tehillim (34:15) instructs, בקש
שלום ורדפהו
– “Seek out peace and pursue it.” We
need to be proactive to maintain peace.
The mitzvah of shalom bayit is not one which arises in certain situations, when
specific circumstances happen to present themselves. Rather, it must be “pursued”
proactively. Masechet Derech Eretz notes
the inspiring example of Aharon Ha’kohen, who, when he knew of two people
embroiled in conflict, would approach each and ask, “Why are you fighting with
him? He told me how much he likes you
and wants to get along peacefully with you.”
Aharon “pursued” peace by initiating a process whereby the two parties
would abandon their hard feelings and restore peaceful relations.
The
story is told of a certain woman who used to attend Rabbi Meir’s class which he
delivered to women each Friday night.
One week, Rabbi Meir ended his lecture late, and the husband was
incensed at his wife for returning home at such a late hour. In his fury, he told the wife he would not
let her into the home unless she first spat in Rabbi Meir’s face. Rabbi Meir heard about what happened, and
came up with a plan. He told the people
around him that he suffered from a certain eye ailment, and that the doctor
advised him to have somebody spit seven times into his eye. The woman came forward and spat seven times
into Rabbi Meir’s eye. She then returned
to her husband and reported that she spat not once, but seven times in Rabbi
Meir’s face. When Rabbi Meir’s students
asked him to explain how he could do such a thing, he said that if G-d is
prepared to have His Name erased for the sake of restoring peace between
husband and wife, then he should certainly not hesitate to compromise his
dignity for this lofty purpose.
Shabbat,
a time when the Shechinah resides among us in an especially powerful
way, must also be a time of peace in the home.
When the family sits around the Shabbat table, the people are prone to
quarrel and bicker. Singing “Shalom
Alechem” and greeting one another “Shabbat shalom” should remind us
of the central importance of shalom bayit on Shabbat.
Peace is no less important than berit milah. We have all heard the heroic stories of Jews
who endangered their lives and made remarkable sacrifices to perform the mitzvah
of berit milah. We should be no
less willing to make the sacrifices needed for the sake of peace. Shabbat is the time allotted to focus upon
enhancing the peaceful quality of our homes, so that they become worthy
receptacles of the Divine Presence and a suitable residence for the Almighty.
